We're Having a Baby!
The secret is officially out: I’M PREGNANT!
To be honest with you, I still can’t believe I am writing these words. From the moment I found out up until this point, most of the time it doesn’t feel real. I keep telling Sam that I feel like I am just “playing pregnant” or quite literally dreaming.
I think it is because I have imagined being pregnant for so long that it is taking awhile to actually sink in that this is my reality. To put it simply, I always knew that I was meant to be a wife and a Mom. Being married to Sam and becoming Anna Hartman has felt so natural and our marriage has been the thing I am most proud of in my life. Becoming a Mom and seeing Sam shift into his role as a Dad, I imagine, will feel the same way.
Being pregnant and seeing my belly grow is genuinely my favorite thing and I wake up every morning feeling so grateful that I get this opportunity to experience making a human that is uniquely the two of us. I have not taken a single moment of my pregnancy for granted because I know that it is truly a blessing.
After all of the crazy health complications I have been through in the past year, the truth is that we didn't know if I could get pregnant. It came as a complete shock to everyone; our families, my doctors, and even Sam and I when I got the positive test.
Now, let me back up a little bit to tell you how all of this unfolded. After over a year of “trying” with no success followed by my Hashimoto’s, hypothyroidism, and iodine poisoning diagnosis’, Sam and I decided to put our plans on pause and prioritize my health.
Since then, I have been consistently seeing my Endocrinologist, getting lab panels done, adjusting my thyroid medication, and getting my iodine levels back to normal. Sam and I decided over the past year to really let go of “our plan”.
We had no idea that we would be moving from the house we just unpacked our things in, buying our first home, or navigating a pandemic. Throughout these changes, we have steadily reminded ourselves that we are not in control and that God’s plan and timing is always perfect, whether we see it at the time or not.
With that in mind, we decided to let go entirely with an understanding that we would get pregnant when the time was right. In February, I deleted the cycle app off of my phone, stopped tracking my ovulation, and quit all of the supplements I was taking (including my prenatal).
Steadily, I was feeling healthier and more relaxed, my labs continued to improve, and I became at peace with allowing things to fall into place rather than forcing them to fit my “timeline”.
How I Found Out
During the week leading up to our 2nd wedding anniversary, I was feeling a little “off” and overall extremely hungry. Since I had been intuitively intermittent fasting for years at that point, I decided to break my fasts quite early that week thinking that I must be about to get my period (I didn’t know when it was coming because I stopped tracking it).
That Friday, August 14th, was our wedding anniversary and Sam and I made a reservation at our favorite Spanish tapas restaurant downtown to celebrate. That morning after he left for work, I decided to take the 1 leftover pregnant test I had from last year just to be safe since I was planning on indulging in some wine at dinner. I didn’t want to put a damper on our anniversary by telling him I was taking it if it was negative (which I was convinced it would be).
Quickly, I peed on the stick, laid it on the counter and went to my computer to check some emails. When I popped back to the bathroom to check, I could not believe what it said: “pregnant”.
Immediately, my entire body started shaking and my eyes became permanently glued to the screen.
My first thought was, “this has to be wrong; there is no way”. I thought maybe the test had been faulty since it was old, or that my eyes were just playing a trick on me and I was somehow missing the “not” part in the screen. I searched the screen relentlessly and stared at it on and off for hours, returning to the test every few minutes to make sure it didn’t change.
Since I didn’t want to tell Sam over the phone while he was working, the first person I called was my older sister, Amanda. To be honest, it was very fitting because when she got pregnant for the first time 9 years ago, I was the only one who knew and I had to keep it a secret from our parents. I was stressed about it to the point that I developed a rash so severe that I had to get a steroid shot days before my senior Prom. It is the funniest thing to look back on now, but it was quite the experience at the time LOL.
Anyway, the week before I found out I was pregnant, my sister called me and told me that she was pregnant with her last (4th)! She said that she was nervous to tell me because she thought I might be upset with our situation, but I was genuinely so excited for her.
Growing up, we had always dreamed of being pregnant at the same time to share the experience and I told Sam that night that it was SO weird because I had this really strong feeling before she even told me. The night before she called me, I had a dream that we were both pregnant, and I told him that maybe that meant I would get pregnant sometime in the next 9 months too.
So, imagine my shock when I found out 1 week later that, in fact, I AM pregnant! Quickly, I sent a picture of the positive test to her and called her repeatedly until she answered. We were both practically in tears. After talking with her for a few minutes, I decided to grab my car keys and ran into the closest grocery store to grab another set of pregnancy tests to confirm.
Once I got home, I took 2 more tests and they both came back immediately as positive.
How I Told Sam
Last August, Sam and I were walking through the Farmers Market in Williamsburg talking about how we felt so ready for kids. We walked past this Dad with a newborn strapped to his chest in a cool baby carrier that looked like a bulletproof vest. In short, it was the most “Sam” thing I’ve ever seen and he pointed it out immediately saying that’s what he needed when the time came.
I found the exact vest online and bought it for him along with a book, “The Expectant Father: The Ultimate Guide for Dads-to-Be”, a couple weeks after that thinking that I was pregnant. When I wasn't, I decided to stow it away in the back of my closet, hoping that someday I could use the gifts to announce to him with. After stealthily moving it to our new house undetected months later, these gifts and a handwritten card are what I used to reveal the news to him when he got home before dinner.
We both agreed that we wouldn’t do anniversary gifts this year since we had just bought our house so when I sprung these 2 gifts on him, he was kind of thrown off. I had him open the baby carrier first and since it just looked like a bulletproof vest, he was SO confused. He was like “thank you…? this is cool” Then, I told him to open the book and his eyes got so wide and he was still so confused. Hahaha. He was really not expecting it at all. It was definitely a moment I will never forget.
Immediately, he was worried about my health and kept asking, “is that okay? are you going to be okay?” (which I was worried about as well), but we decided that we would proceed with cautious optimism. Once we got to dinner, I could tell that it really sank in and could visibly see his internal battle with whether or not to tell our waiter that I was pregnant. We were both so giddy and talked the whole night about how beautiful the timing was and how excited we are to be parents.
I’m going to share a separate post for how we told our families because I made a little DIY project to announce to them in person. I think it could serve as inspiration for you ladies who are looking for a cute and affordable way to share the news!
Since there is still so much more to our story and this beautiful chapter during my first trimester, I am going to save that for a separate post. With my health, my pregnancy is considered “high risk”, and “complicated pregnancy” is printed on all of my paperwork.
The past 2 months since we found out has been full of so many highs and lows and I have never felt my faith so strongly. I cannot express how grateful I am for every moment that I am pregnant with this beautiful baby and I have never felt more excited to see what our future holds.
I wanted to end this post with a note for my ladies out there still struggling with fertility. Whenever you are feeling defeated, remember this: God does not allow us to suffer for no reason; there is always a light at the end of the tunnel and a purpose in every season.
For me, I now see the reason why I had to go through the painful part of my story. I believe that because of those struggles, our marriage got stronger, my faith intensified, my compassion has grown, and I have more gratitude for every moment of this journey than I could have ever imagined before.
Just know that if you are reading this and hurting, I see you. Do not give up hope that your time is coming. What is meant to be always finds a way.
Photos by Alisandra Photography
If you made it to the end, kudos to you (I know this was a long one). Thank you for reading my story and we couldn’t be more excited to share this new chapter with you! Cheers to welcoming Baby Hartman in April 2021!
xo Anna Elizabeth