My Baby is 4 Months Old - Here's 25 Things I've Learned so Far

It’s hard to believe what I’m typing: my baby is 4 MONTHS old. That’s 17 whole weeks of loving on him and leaning into this new way of life.

121 days of his tiny little hand wrapped around my finger, feeling his heartbeat on my chest, and watching his curious eyes discover the world around him.

Where did the time go? (A question all parents ask themselves, I’m sure)

From a tiny 5lb baby to this miniature human who’s now rolling anytime you set him down, playing independently with books and toys, and giving us that gummy smile we love so much. It is truly mind-blowing just how much newborns change from day to day.

While I certainly have not “figured out” motherhood in any way, shape, or form, there are a few pieces of advice I’m giving to the new Mommas in my life.

Some of these tips may be fairly common, while others could be considered a bit controversial. Nevertheless, I’m going to share my thoughts here in the hopes that a part of this post will resonate with you, make you feel less alone or, at the very least, give you a chuckle as you wipe down the latest blow-out. (Never did I think that I would call a poop “amazing” or a burp “so cute”, ok?)

1. Embrace the sleepless nights (yes, even at 4 months old)

One thing that I heard over and over again while pregnant was that newborn babies “sleep sooooo much; all they DO is sleep!”

My friend, this may be great insight for some moms, but for others who don’t have a sleepy baby, it is simply not helpful. Trust me when I say that, from the beginning, I have tried every trick in the book, asked our pediatrician/my Mom friends/family members, and I’ve even taken an online course on sleep.

While I certainly got some tips that have helped a bit (sharing my best one below), it hasn't changed the fact that he just isn’t sleeping for 10+ uninterrupted hours at night and napping for 2+ hours several times a day.

There are definitely nights where I still feel a tad overwhelmed, but for the most part I have been able to shift my attitude regarding his sleep and 1) accept the fact that every baby is different, 2) I’m not doing anything “wrong”/aka I’m not a “bad mom” because my baby won’t sleep through the night, and 3) this phase is not going to last forever.

There will come a time where he sleeps in his crib alone in his room and will no longer need me to hold him, nurse him, or offer sweet words of reassurance. I know that I’m going to miss this special time together, so although it’s tempting to long for those nights of restful sleep, I’ve learned not to rush them along.

My unpopular opinion: I would rather be the only one up at night with our baby. I sleep (and will continue to until London transitions to his nursery) in a separate bedroom because I don’t want to wake my husband.

For context: We both have full-time jobs, but mine is from home and his is dangerous and physically demanding.

I prefer it this way because it ensures that he can safely do his job during the day, and it completely avoids any arguments or middle-of-the-night crankiness about who’s getting up to do what, etc.

I’m not saying it would work for every couple, but it has been amazing for our relationship.

2. Offer your baby a nap every 1 hour he/she is awake

*Adds this to the advice no one told me prior to having a baby*

Naively, when London was born I thought the less he slept during the day meant the more he would sleep at night (logical thinking for adults, right?) Well, I’ve learned that for most babies, the more/better they sleep during the day, the more/better they sleep at night!

Now I offer him a nap every 1 hour that he’s awake and he generally takes it even if he cries for the first 5-10 minutes once I lay him down. Sometimes that nap lasts 30 minutes and sometimes it lasts up to 2.5 hours.

Another thing that has been super helpful at avoiding overtired-crankiness is paying close attention to his sleepy signals like red eyebrows, yawns, blank stares, and rubbing his eyes. If he’s giving me these signals before the 1 hour point, I’ll offer him a nap even though it isn’t “time” and he’s generally falls asleep easily.

3. Plan a date night every time you get the chance (from Month 1)

I say “every time you get the chance” because while I would LOVE to have a scheduled date night once a week, we don’t live close to family or friends and personally I don’t feel comfortable leaving him with a stranger. So, every single time Sam and I travel to see family or they come to visit us, we plan a date night for just the two of us.

We may be missing out on those couple hours of family time, but having that time to ourselves is even more important because it’s healthy for our marriage.

Since we know that London is in good hands with our family, we don’t check our phones during our time away (even though they are on us for emergencies). We also make it a rule to not talk about him while we are out which is harder than you would think, but totally necessary.

Lastly, I suggest getting dolled up and feeling “sexy” for date nights. It’s not often that I don’t have spit-up on me these days, so when we are going to dinner I make it a point to slip into an itty bitty mini dress, heels, and put on a spritz of perfume I know he likes.

4. Stay away from distractions while feeding

One of the best things I did during the first week of having London was stay off my phone, ignore messages and DMs, and turn off the TV. I think it’s so important to establish the bond between Momma and baby and feel 100% present while breastfeeding, especially in the very beginning.

These days, the only time I am on my phone while nursing is in the middle of the night to keep myself from falling asleep. The rest of the time while breastfeeding I am staring at him, talking to him, and just trying to soak in the moment before it passes.

The mindless content will be there forever, your little baby looking up at you won’t be.

5. Have a drink (or two) if you want

Now, this may be an unpopular opinion, but since I have had London, I’ve been able to safely have one or two drinks without dumping my breastmilk or having it affect my supply.

I feel hesitant to share this on social media because I know that there are so many misconceptions about alcohol and breastfeeding. However, based on recent studies and our Pediatrician’s perspective, this is a totally safe thing to do (as long as it isn’t an addictive/excessive habit, of course).

I don’t drink at home or during the week, but when we’re out on a date night or traveling for weekend trips, I have no problem indulging in a cocktail or two.

Read the below for a more in-depth breakdown:

“You should basically NEVER pump and dump because you had a cocktail, or a glass or wine, or a margarita… or all three. Surprised? I get that. It is definitely not what we usually hear. If you have been drinking, the alcohol content of your breastmilk is equivalent to your blood alcohol level at the time. So if you are drunk spice, and your BAL is at the legal limit of 0.08 aka you shouldn't be driving, then your breastmilk is 0.08% alcohol. Point zero eight percent. That’s a TINY amount. OJ is 0.07%!

The takeaway is the amount of alcohol present in breastmilk at any given time is clinically meaningless too baby. The real danger is falling asleep on baby, falling with baby, dropping baby, or the long term health consequences of frequent binge drinking. Alcohol does transiently inhibit letdown and therefore could drop supply, but this is a quick recovery.

So. The breastfeeding + booze motto is this: if you can find the baby, feed the baby. If you’re too tipsy to safely do that, pump and have someone else feed the baby. But PLEASE do not dump it. You’re doing way too much work for that” (Dr Sarah and Kurt Bjorkman; OBGYN and Pediatric Cardiology).

6. make intimacy a priority

When baby is asleep, it’s time for Sam and I to reconnect. Sometimes that looks like holding hands or snuggling in bed while talking or watching a movie, and other times it’s our chance to do the deed.

Even if you’re tired (because you will be), sex and intimacy in general are so incredibly important to keep a relationship healthy and thriving.

I actually find that sex tends to be even more exciting these days because it is spur-of-the-moment. We have to pounce when we get the chance, whenever and wherever that happens to be. Embrace the spontaneity!

7. get comfortable nursing wherever and in front of anyone

During the first month, I’ll admit that I was a little hesitant to whip my boob out in front of Sam’s family. I would walk into the other room or turn my back from the group while feeding. However, as I’ve grown more comfortable and come to the realization that they truly don’t care, I no longer feel the need to hide it.

That being said, I’ve always felt comfortable breastfeeding without a cover in public. In my experience, most people are extremely supportive and will smile if they see you, or they’ll just avoid looking at you all together. I tell myself, “I’m feeding my child. If you have a problem with that, that’s your problem.”

If that doesn’t work for you, remind yourself that, chances are, you’ll never see the same strangers twice.

8. have a non-negotiable self-care routine

You need to have things that are solely for you still. Just because you’re a new Mom doesn’t mean your other needs and wants went away. I have a daily and monthly self-care routine that is non-negotiable for me.

Daily: listen to a podcast, do a 4-step evening skincare routine without distractions

Monthly: get a manicure alone

Self-care doesn’t have to be complicated or ultra-luxurious; it just has to be something you care about that you do for no one but yourself.

9. accept that there will be days when you get absolutely nothing done except caring for your baby

Some days I crush my to-do list and even have extra time to squeeze in some light reading outside on my lounger while bathing in the sun. Other days, I barely get my work done, the dishes pile up in the sink, and the laundry basket overflows. Accept that some days will be tougher than others.

Most (if not all) of the items on your to-do list can wait; if your baby needs extra attention that day, don’t feel guilty about setting everything else aside.

10. buy the cute baby clothes

People told me to not waste my money on cute baby clothes because they grow out of them so quickly. Personally, I feel like that’s telling a pregnant woman not to buy any maternity clothes because they’ll keep growing. Like, ya gotta wear something, right!?

Cute baby clothes aren’t necessarily more expensive than ugly baby clothes, and so what if they grow out of them in a couple weeks? Store them away for your next baby or your friend’s baby or donate/sell them; the options are endless.

Buy a size larger than you need at the time, so they fit loose at first and you can extend the time by a bit, but I wouldn’t worry about it too much.

It’s not “a waste” to dress your baby in cute clothes if it makes you happy. Remember: they’re just going to keep growing out of sizes until they’re adults (and probably longer), so don’t put it off forever.

11. find a kids consignment shop

Truly one of the best ideas! If you are worried about your baby growing out of clothes too quickly, find a local kids consignment shop and sell/buy that way. You can find onesies starting at $3, Winter jackets for $8, etc.

Some of these shops even sell/buy baby items like carriers, swings, and more so you don’t have to buy everything brand new, or you can sell an item once you’re done with it.

12. Take a ridiculous amount of photos and videos

…And then take more. Trust me when I say you won’t regret taking photos and videos of your baby. They literally change from day to day so it just makes it that much more special to look back and see each day/week/month as they grow.

I took a crazy amount of photos and videos of London when he was first born, and somehow I STILL wish I had more.

13. running a “quick errand” is no longer quick

Enter: packing a diaper bag, nursing/burping before you leave, changing diaper, loading into car, loading into carrier or stroller, etc.

Never has online shopping felt more useful.

My tip is to go grocery shopping (and run all other errands) ONCE a week; Sam and I do Saturdays. Make a meal plan and grocery list for the full week, and either leave baby with your partner in the car if sleeping, or strap him/her to your chest and get the shopping done faster with both of you checking off items.

14. most of your pregnancy weight will fall off quickly…except for the last 10-18lbs

Don’t hate me for saying this, but the majority of my pregnancy weight (I gained over 40lbs) came off pretty quickly after giving birth; aka within the first month. It kind of tricked me into thinking it would all come off as effortlessly, but the last 10-18lbs have been stubborn as hell.

Maybe I would lose the remaining weight by breastfeeding alone in time, but I have decided to introduce some work-outs, intermittent fasting, and a healthier diet to speed things along. Since Sam and I want our babies close together, I want to get back to pre-pregnancy before I begin the process over again.

I currently have 6lbs left to lose and plan on sharing the full, unfiltered journey in a blog post soon!

15. something that worked yesterday may not work today, and vice versa

I find this to be true 100% of the time. As a new Mom, I feel like London keeps me on my toes 24/7. Hated the car seat yesterday? Loves it today. Finally loves the swing if playing with a crinkly book? Nope not anymore.

Oddly enough, I actually find this to be a positive because it means that he could potentially warm up to something that I want him to use like the swing. I keep this in mind to help me from getting discouraged if something isn’t going my way when it comes to new milestones, toys, or activities.

16. not all baby gear will work for your baby

Even if it was the best thing for your friend’s baby or #1 on the “must-have” registry list, your baby may just hate it for no good reason. You’ll probably waste plenty of money on items your baby won’t use. There’s no way to tell what he/she will like or won’t like, so don’t lose sleep over it.

Donate, resell, or keep the items for your next baby, or continue trying them (like I said above) because they may warm up to the idea in time.

17. heels are no longer a practical shoe choice

Except for date night, of course. Any other time I’m generally wearing flats now for safety reasons since I am holding or carrying London, or just trying to move quickly since I only have so much time to get tasks accomplished while he’s asleep lol.

18. Mom guilt is a real thing

I’m pretty sure that Mom guilt started the moment I saw the words “pregnant” on a test, and hasn’t gone away since. Everyone warned me about this, but I didn’t realize how often I would feel guilty. From seeing him get poked and prodded at the hospital to letting him cry for a few minutes while I eat dinner as opposed to eating with him on my hip.

Confession: I cried myself to sleep while traveling one night recently because I forgot to pack his bassinet, didn't realize it until bed time, and he had to sleep in a dresser drawer with a towel. I pretty much felt like the worst Mom in the whole world.

The thing I remind myself about “Mom guilt” and feeling anxious/worrying about him though is that it means that I care and that’s a good thing.

19. breastfeeding your baby in the bath is one of the most special things in the world

Our pediatrician recommended this to me after we told her that London hated our sink baths during his first few weeks and it has been life-changing. These days, I hop in the bath with him and nurse him while I clean him.

Another amazing tip: put a small towel in the dryer while you’re in the bath and have your partner grab it so baby has a cozy, warm towel to dry off with.

20. you don’t have to read every baby book

Even if your pediatrician, Mom, Sister, or best friend bought it for you, or you swore you were going to get to it during maternity leave. You really only have so much time in the day; it’s ok if reading ANOTHER parenting book isn’t on the top of your list.

Sometimes having too much advice can be overwhelming and distract you from listening to your own intuition; if that happens, put the book down and don’t feel guilty if you don’t pick it up again.

21. don’t tip-toe around your sleeping baby

The more noise, the better is what I’ve learned. London will sleep practically anywhere including loud, chaotic restaurants if I am holding him/he is in a carrier. He will also sleep in front of a TV in his bassinet if he’s tired enough.

With a dog that barks at every passerby, we knew this was going to be how we had to teach London to sleep from the very beginning and I’m glad that we did. This means that while he naps at home I don’t have to worry about talking on the phone, doing housework, or listening to music/podcasts no matter how loud they are.

Sam was using a nail gun right next to his room just last weekend while finishing up a DIY project and he didn’t even flinch at the noise.

22. nursery rhymes will be stuck in your head 24/7

I literally lay in bed while London is sleeping soundly in his bassinet next to me and sing “Head, shoulders, knees, and toes” in my head, over and over again. Sam says he does the same thing while he’s working during the day. It’s just a thing, apparently.

Also, you may find yourself singing along to Cocomelon even when your baby isn’t paying attention or has fallen asleep. Can’t deny it - those songs are catchy.

23. listen to new mom advice, nod and smile, and then do what you feel is best

Including advice from me! People will give you advice on every topic, whether you ask for it or not. I would say that the majority of the time, they are coming from a genuinely kind-hearted place; they want to help. Just remember: listening and being kind while receiving advice doesn’t mean you have to follow it.

Mom instincts are legit; follow your intuition and do what you and your partner feel is best, no matter what anyone else says.

24. spit up and breastmilk will inevitably be on everything, all the time

Once you accept this, it won’t come as a shock to you that all of your clothes (and shoes) have stains on them. Babies spit up and if you’re nursing, you’ll probably leak or spray milk pretty often, even when you don’t realize it’s happening.

My advice is if you plan to breastfeed for a year or more, don’t “save” all of your nice outfits for once you’re done. Just wear them, use a burp rag and an extra nipple pad if you feel so inclined, and accept that some things may get ruined. It’s fine.

25. becoming a mom is the greatest leap of faith I’ve ever made

Becoming a Mom is literally the best thing that has happened to Sam and I. It is my favorite role and my greatest purpose I’ve had in life. Raising a kind and loving human is the most important job in the world, in my opinion.

I knew that I wanted to become a Mom for most of my life, but Sam and I were still (understandably) nervous to begin this chapter that we simply had no experience with. What I’ve learned though is that even if I have no idea what I’m doing 99% of the time, everything is figureoutable. Had Sam and I been too afraid to start trying for kids, we wouldn’t have gained the greatest joy in our lives.

Lastly, a word of advice to partners, friends, and family members to new Mommas: give them reassurance that they are doing a good job. Consistently point out things they are doing well/compliment how they handled a certain situation/etc.

You may think that they don’t need the praise, or that they “know” they are doing a good job, but remember: this is all so new to them. Between the hormones, sleep deprivation, and daily (if not, hourly) challenges, it’s nice to hear someone else say that you’re handling this whole transition well.

Want more newborn-related posts? Check out 12 Newborn Essentials from Amazon I Didn't Realize I Needed and My Birth Story.

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xo Anna Elizabeth